The shift from being a shy observer to becoming a curious adventurer on the path of Love
Growing up as young man I didn’t feel comfortable in my own skin. My father wasn’t there, masculine presence and clarity wasn’t available for me to experience and take in. I only had a mother with a lot of emotions and love, but without a clear Yes and No. Emotions were mostly expressed indirectly and kept inside.
It has been a long trip to learn to trust my body and my sexuality. To stay at home in myself even when faced with rejection from a woman and even when I feel that I don’t receive enough love and nourishment. The hardest challenge for me is to not lose myself in a woman. To concentrate on my own needs and desires rather than trying to guess what she wants from me. When I lose myself like that, I immediately move into trying to control in stead of staying curious with my explorations of sensing and expressing and entering into the wild river of mystery and passion.
Throughout my adult life I have found mentors to lean on, picking up from them important pieces of the puzzle of being a conscious man. Tantra has taught me a lot about staying present and about the internal flow of Life energy. About how I can raise my energy to a higher vibration to become more Alive and more truly me.
Some years ago I started learning how to become a multi orgasmic man by not releasing my semen during intercourse. The essence of the practise was moving the energy from the pelvic area and up the spine using strong deep breathing as well as squeezing the perineum like a pump, and visualising the energy moving up.For me, this was a great first step in understanding the masculine sexual energy.
Currently I am really excited about Ancient Tantra Kriya Yoga as taught by Anand Rudra. These are really powerful tantric breathing techniques and yoga postures to strengthen the flow of Prana(life energy) in the body and to open the energy channels in order to experience states of heightened awareness and energy orgasms. For me, it is a way of expanding and liberating my energy experiencing myself as a spiritual being. To be in such a state blows away insecurity and shyness and i can relate with others from a space of being already connected through the Universal Heart in a space of no separation.